u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So squirting runs in the family.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
