i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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