...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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