I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
