There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
