i think i have two assholes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
