It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize