i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
