I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
