my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
