we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What a dumb baby whore.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
