I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize