I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
