Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
