Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
