Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your penis caused this!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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