Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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