dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
