She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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