Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize