I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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