Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
