A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
