Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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