there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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