the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
