She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
