I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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