he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize