I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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