I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
