I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
