Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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