Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
