C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
