My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
