69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
