I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
