Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize