we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
