got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
