I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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