youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
