I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
