i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
