I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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