hell yes lets make some ravioli
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
