I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
