Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
