I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
