We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude i'm inner monologue high
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
