Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
