she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
