They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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