In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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