one two three fourrrrnication!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
