So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
