Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
