Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
