Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
