i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
