What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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