operation have a gay friend backfired
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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