You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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