Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
