Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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