I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
love makes seman taste better
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
