dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
