he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
