I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Of course I have a pirate flag
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
