I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
