Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
