Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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