i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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