I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
