i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize